The Erotic Game

One of the best definitions of eroticism is that it is a game. First, because a game implies a playful moment, of fun, which, in my opinion, is fundamental to erotic dynamics. Second, because a game includes rules, which must be negotiated and accepted by all, and which may or may not be transgressed. And finally, because a game requires a demonstration of interest and enthusiasm, with an objective that can be individual or shared, and which awakens action and the overcoming of challenges.

Point 1: Playing for real

Delving a little deeper into each of these points, framing eroticism as a game or as fun might seem irrelevant or even laughable, but one of the characteristics that, in my view, most defines eroticism is precisely its positive side. And what is more positive than something that awakens joy, fun and excitement, and makes us want to accept challenges in an uninhibited and relaxed way?

To underestimate the recreational side of sex is to underestimate its erotic potential.

It is no coincidence that the objects we buy to stimulate sexual pleasure are called "sex toys". The idea of playing, experimenting and exploring the world around us (and our inner world as well) comes from a very primary basis of human beings: active curiosity. Discovering the world with fascination, without the weight of cynicism from those who anticipate problems, fear surprises or block the unknown, without the constant distrust and limitations stemming from fears and prejudices, can be profoundly liberating.

Play, and especially games, is a universal and timeless way of getting to know the world, others and ourselves, through practices that help us gain this knowledge constructively, with rules and objectives.

Point 2: Rules and transgression

Speaking of rules, the second point is precisely about their importance. In a game, rules are a crucial factor. First, because a game only works if there are rules. Without rules, there is no game. Rules define the structure and the way to enjoy the game. Creating, negotiating and accepting rules demonstrates not only an ability to define a path but also to define its limits.

In a game, and especially in erotic games, rules have another value: the act of respecting or disrespecting the rules can be one of the most enlightening ways of reading the character and values of the participants. In erotic games in particular, both the rules and their transgression can be encouraged and stimulating. But the secret is knowing how to do this in a way that is exciting for everyone involved, according to the objective of the proposed game.

Point 3: The pact of will

It is precisely in this knowledge acquired about the other that the third point gains its final relevance. When we enter a game, especially if we do so with a positive spirit and accept its rules, we easily activate our capacity for presence through a demonstration of concrete will, commitment and focus, which can make the whole experience even more engaging and dynamic. In erotic play, we can thus evaluate with great clarity the virtues and difficulties of collaborating or competing in a relationship, test our ability to overcome obstacles alone and together, and finally achieve goals and understand the meaning of winning or losing, individually or as a team.

For all these reasons, the importance that the concept of play in eroticism has shown me is perhaps the simplest and most adaptable way to approach themes and create experiences, whether alone or as a couple, that might otherwise be seen as too complex, imposing or decontextualised.

That is why almost all of my events include some kind of game or group dynamic, including at an institutional level, as well as in the processes I use in my Erotic Coaching sessions. 🔥

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